Chicken Tortilla Soup

I am calling this recipe “Chicken Tortilla Soup” lightly because I am not even sure if that is what this soup is. What I do know is that it is a warm, creamy chicken soup with taco seasoning, corn, beans, and Rotel. It looks good, tastes better. The “tortilla” part is up to you, I eat mine with tortilla chips–so thus the name.

Maybe I’ll change the soup’s name to Bob.

Bob might make me feel better. Bob Soup does not have imposter-syndrome. Bob is self-aware that he doesn’t really know what he is all about and is open to interpretation, but no matter what is still happy with his creamy, spicy-self.

Be like Bob.

Anyway, I’ve made this soup for many a work potluck, dinner party or holiday gathering and it’s met with rave reviews. Nothing fancy or crazy about this one and probably very similar to other recipes you’ve seen out there. But, let’s be honest, none of those recipes were written by me.

And I am funny. Just ask me.

Chicken Tortilla (a.k.a Bob) Soup

If you like it quick and dirty, you can make this soup in a dutch oven or stockpot, by following the steps I’ve outlined below. If you take a bit more time to get there . . . you can just throw everything in the crockpot on low for a few hours.

Either way, you will be satisfied with Bob.

Have I mentioned I like to make inappropriate sexual comments when writing about food? I do. Not ashamed. Just a little turned on.

Chicken Tortilla Soup Ingredients

• One whole rotisserie chicken
  Or you can season and bake a whole damn chicken if you want, Karen. Bob doesn’t want it but, if you insist, he’ll wait for you to finish before moving on. If you are really in a rush (say, doing this over your lunch break–we’ll call it a nooner–they have started selling the rotisserie chicken already off the bone and chopped up too. My husband would be all for that option–the nooner and the fact that it only takes 3 seconds.)
• 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil
• One can of Rotel
• One can of black beans (drained)
• One can of whole kernel corn (drained)
• One packet of taco seasoning
  Because I was on a hot streak of good luck that day (neither one of my kids ended up the ER, my husband didn’t want a nooner and I had an entire bottle of wine in the fridge), I happened to have chicken taco seasoning in my cupboard. If you are not that lucky, regular taco seasoning works too.
• 2 limes
• 1/2 block of cream cheese
• Tortilla chips
• Toppings–sour cream, shredded cheese, salsa, cilantro, etc.

Prep the Chicken

Start by removing the chicken meat from the bones. I try to dirty as few dishes as possible when cooking, so I use the plastic containers the chicken comes in, to my advantage.

I move the whole chicken to the lid of the container, then using my fingers I pull the chicken from the bones and put the chicken in the bottom of the container (where the fatty, salty, delicious juices are).

Yes, Karen, I washed my hands.

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Then I toss the bones into the lid.

I do save some of the skin and use it in the soup because I think it adds flavor. I am all about the skin. Lots of it. Especially the crispy stuff. Show me some skin.

Once you have man-handled the chicken, the bottom of the container should be filled with chicken and the lid with bones and discarded skin. Throw out the lid with the bones, save the meat.

I know, DUH, but I have a girlfriend who is reading this who once asked how to cut an apple so . . . I just want to make it clear . . . (love you, J.)

Make the Soup

Heat the olive oil in your soup pot over medium/high heat.

Dump in the chopped onions and saute until translucent/slightly browned.

Add the chicken and the juice from the chicken container. Turn the heat to medium and stir.

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Add the cans of black beans, corn and Rotel. Pour in chicken stock until it just covers the other ingredients. (No, Karen, I don’t know the exact measurement. I just pour the damn broth in until it looks good.)

Stir.

Add the taco seasoning and cut one lime in half, squeeze in the juice from the limes then toss the halves into the soup. Stir.

NOTE: If you are doing this in the slow cooker, wait on the lime until just before you are ready to serve.

Then, cut the cream cheese into smaller blocks, add and stir until melted. I think I ended up using about 6 oz. this time. (There, a specific measurement. Are you happy, Karen?)

I usually let my soup sit and simmer for at least 20-30 minutes to allow the flavors to combine. It’s obviously better the longer it has to reach its full potential . . . but then again, aren’t most things?

The Happy Ending

Bob is definitely a “to your taste” kind of man . . . I mean, soup. He’s totally open to having you add green peppers, jalapeno, hot sauce, chili powder or salsa if it suits your fancy. Bob is a pleaser. He knows what he is about at his core, but you can dress him up and take him home to mama if you want–he just wants you to be happy. REALLY happy.

I think I’ve got it bad for Bob.

Garnish the soup with sour cream, shredded cheese, a sprinkle of cilantro and a squeeze of juice from that other lime I told you to buy.

Use any remaining lime to take tequila shots while eating Bob . . . I mean the soup. Man, this is getting weird.

If you are feeling uncomfortable about calling it Bob Soup, toss in some tortilla chips and call it Chicken Tortilla Soup, Karen.

Who in the hell is Karen?

I know I’ve talked a lot about Bob. For those of you wondering about my Karen references, this video should help. Karen is more of a “personality” than a person. We all know a “Karen”.

Don’t be like Karen.

Also if your name is Karen and you are nothing like a “Karen” I mean no offense. It’s just that . . . well, this shit IS funny. Cheers.

For more food and sexual innuendos, check out my other recipes!